


Devious, Devious

by zaynjawaads



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: batfam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2017-12-30 17:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1021518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynjawaads/pseuds/zaynjawaads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damian convinces the family to host a Halloween party and partake in a spot of trick-or-treating. Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Devious, Devious

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to not that this is a collab piece between me (westofwally.tumblr.com) and Anya (thisisabitofme.tumblr.com).

Damian dramatically spun himself around in his father’s office chair to face the members of his family that he had called for the meeting - his father included. There was a range of emotion present, Drake's being the most comical; he had been forced by Richard to come along and thus wore an expression of deflated anger mixed with genuine intrigue, and it reminded Damian of a moose from an animated movie he was once forced to watch. He ignored that thought and moved on from the matter.   
"I've gathered you all here as I have a proposal,” he started. "When I was living with Mother, we rarely celebrated such commercial nonsense as Halloween. Note: this event is fast approaching." He paused as Dick looked stricken and Bruce raised an eyebrow. Damian thought it appropriate to allow his words to sink in, giving Jason time to interject.  
"Kid, I try not to have anything to do with this lot.” He jerked his thumb at his family members. “Why the hell have you dragged me down here?"  
"You needn't have agreed to come, but I have a suggestion for you." Damian mimicked his father's raised brow as the group stiffened (aside from Alfred who remained seemingly impassive at the doorway) at his words. "I think it would be a good idea if I - if we hosted an informal Halloween gathering - complete with trick or treating."  
Damian stared back at the shocked expressions facing him - four sets of eyes popping and mouths gaping.  
“Oh, for God’s sake, get your chins off the floor.” Damian snorted. Immediately everyone fixed their expressions, Alfred coughing politely into his hand to conceal a small laugh. “All I am saying is that for one night we put aside whatever agenda or grudges we may think we hold,” He shot a pointed look at Jason, “And just act like a family for once.”  
“Damian. Halloween is in three days.” Bruce said with that infamous eyebrow raise. “How do you intend to organize all this in three days?  
“You’re the one with all the connections, Father.”  
Bruce sighed. “Okay, I’ll organize the party. But you must organize the trick-or-treating.”  
Damian leaned over the ginormous cherrywood desk he sat behind and shook Bruce’s hand.  
“You’ve got yourself a deal, old man.”  
*****  
Late that night, Damian sat alone in the parlor, contemplating what costume he would wear for their rather impromptu celebration. He creased his forehead in thought. Three days wasn’t nearly enough time for Alfred to make five costumes, not decent ones anyway. He needed a quick, easy, yet elegant solution that would impress absolutely everybody. If he was honest with himself, he had no idea what would impress at such short notice.  
After a great deal of considering, groaning, considering again and then groaning even louder, his brain accepted a truly horrid solution. Everyone should dress as each other.  
He decided to sleep on the idea and see how he felt about it in the morning.  
*****  
“No. Absolutely not. Not a chance.” Jason stood up and pounded his fist to the desk in outrage.  
“Aw, hell yes!” Screeched Dick.  
Tim stared at Damian like he was an alien.  
Bruce sighed and agreed, albeit somewhat cautiously. His reluctance was with good reason.  
Damian continued. “I have picked who you will swap costumes with myself as I feel we will be better organized this way. Dick, you will parade as Red Robin. Jason, you will be Batman. Tim, you will be the Red Hood. Bruce, you will be Robin. I will be Nightwing.” Damian announced to a loud jumble of laughter and groans and screeches of what? I have to dress as him?! “There will be no argument. I have already taken the liberty of hanging each costume in its new owner’s bedroom door.”  
It wasn't long until the afternoon of the party rolled around, and Damian had the family in costume, awaiting the arrival of the guests in the reception area of the Manor. Even Alfred was present, complete with the pumpkin cufflinks Dick had insisted he wear, so he should not feel left out.   
"Thank you all for joining me and agreeing to my plans. Before we open the doors, I have had been made aware that a few of you are a little confused by your costume choice. Well," Damian crossed to his father, at the start of their odd line-up. "Father, I have heard countless stories of humiliation you have inflicted on your previous partners," Damian took a scathing glance at Tim, informing him of his unworthiness of the title, "so to ensure that you do not try any such antics on me, I have forced you into Grayson's first costume."  
"Okay, okay," Dick spoke up, eagerly, "so then why are you me, and me, Tim?" Damian glared at Dick's interruption, but answered him nonetheless.   
"Because, Richard, I needed Jason to be Batman, in order to try to force the relationship better, since all other efforts have been futile. I couldn't be seen publicly parading as a villain, so Nightwing was the next best option." At Damian's words Tim huffed and folded his arms. Dami pushed his chest out and was about to reprimand him on acting so ungrateful for being gifted the costume of such a talented marksman such as Todd, but Alfred stepped in before an argument could ensue.   
"Sir, I believe that if we wait any longer to open the doors, our guests will think they have been tricked, rather than treated to a Wayne party," Dick laughed outright at the pun and even Alfred couldn't repress a chuckle at his joke.  
Bruce sighed. “This is incredibly embarrassing. But we can’t put it off any longer. Let the guests in.”  
Immediately, Alfred strode over to the double doors behind which the guests were waiting and pulled them open. People poured in and within minutes the reception area and ballroom of the manor were filled with people in all sorts of costumes. Already, Damian spotted another two sets of Batmans and Robins, so nobody would be suspicious about the accuracy of the hosts’ costumes. Who would think the perpetual playboy Wayne could actually be so serious as to want to cure Gotham of crime, anyway? The thought was hysterical.  
Damian strode around the party, mingling with Bruce’s friends and their whelp, never actually interested in the menial chatter Gotham’s hottest kept spouting at him. After a while he became sick of the boredom and decided to get the family together, since that was the entire objective of the night’s operation.  
He wandered over to where Dick was standing chatting to Barbara and a few of her friends. He grabbed Dick by the hand and pulled him away, calling over his shoulder, “Sorry Barbara, I need Richard for a second!” Damian dragged Dick over to where Bruce was standing with a few of his socialite friends. “Bruce, I feel the family needs this bonding time. Please follow me and Richard, and we will find Jason and Tim.”  
Damian sauntered off with Dick and Bruce in tow, the both of whom seemed quite confused. Damian ignored their confusion and found Jason sulking in a corner.  
“Todd, stop looking so miserable and pathetic. Come with us.” Without waiting for Jason’s protest, Damian weaved his way through the crowd to where Tim was deeply involved in a conversation with a few police officers. “Drake, now is not the time to be involved in such serious conversation. Come with us.” Finally, Damian and the rest of the family wound their way onto the raised platform that served as a stage. He raised his voice and quieted the crowd.  
“Everybody, please, if you would listen.” A few people at the front noticed, then the people behind them, and the effect carried on like the wave of a flood. Once everybody was silent, Damian continued.  
“Firstly, we apologize for our lack of organization, and thank you for attending this gathering at such short notice.” He nodded at his family before continuing. “Now, as I am sure many of you are aware, as children and adopted children of Bruce Wayne we do have quite a lovely life. We are a close family.” At this point he turned around and raised one eyebrow at Tim, who merely glanced at him. “We do not, however, have much time off in our schedules, and so I have organized tonights trick-or-treat activities as a way for all of us to,” he paused, “spend a little time together.” He nodded at Bruce who stepped forward and continued speaking.  
“You are all welcome to come trick-or-treating with us, for those of you who wish it. We will not keep you any longer. Now please, enjoy the party!” Bruce smiled raised his glass before and stepping off the platform and walking back to the group of friends he was previously talking too. The rest of the family followed Bruce’s lead and scattered, and Damian smiled to himself in personal triumph.  
The rest of the party sped by for everyone involved, even Damian, who did not usually enjoy this kind of thing. Soon enough the sky darkened, which only meant one thing: time to trick-or-treat.  
Many of the guests at the party did not want to go trick-or-treating, given that most of them were adults who would never dare to be seen partaking in such a childish event. That left Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick and Bruce, and a few stragglers. Said stragglers soon figured out that this really was to be a private affair and left the little disjointed family on their own to enjoy each other’s company.  
“So,” began a clearly overexcited Dick, “where should we start?”  
“I think we should take the usual route, don’t you Alfred?” Tim spoke up, used to the quiet Halloween celebrations at the manor.  
“No Drake. I have calculated a route that stops at an equal number of houses giving tricks and treats.” Damian pulled the creased map from his sleeve, where he had placed it when adorning his costume. “Jason, I know you have at least one pistol on you-“  
“Damn straight.” Jason answered to the obvious displeasure of the three other family members.  
“Yes, well, I want you to load it with blanks, and those who trick us will be returned with a superiorly frightening trick.”  
“Damian, that’s not really how it works,” Bruce tried to warn him, “and I’m not really comfortable with Jason waving firearms arou-“  
“Silence Father. I have planned every detail. You are to escort me house to house, Todd is to hide ready to scare the occupants and Richard and Drake will carry the necessary extra baggage required for the candy I shall acquire.”  
“What about Alfred?” Tim nearly shouted, wildly gesturing to the butler stood by the group, holding a near empty tray of canapés. Jason, having his attention drawn to the food by Tim, quickly swiped the rest of them and began scoffing them down noisily.  
“Not to worry Master Timothy, I need some time to tidy the house.”  
“Nonsense, Alfred,” Bruce admonished, placing a hand on the older man’s shoulder. “You will go too, just like old times. And Damian, relax a little! Part of the fun of Halloween is not knowing what will happen! Here, Damian, give me that,” He took the map, “and Jason, give me that.” He took the gun. “Now, we will trick-or-treat like any normal family would tonight.” He stashed the taken items away (the utility belt pockets were proving to be very useful) and began walking. Everybody followed.  
“So, where is it that we’re going?” Dick asked, doing an awkward jog forward to catch up with Bruce.  
“Where is it that you usually take Tim, Alfred?” Bruce asked by way of an answer.  
“Just along this street and Elm Avenue, Sir, but I really must get back to the Manor and begin the clean-up.” Alfred replied.  
“Okay Alfred, you go do that.” Bruce replied with a smile and a roll of the eyes. “Now everyone else, come with me.”  
At the first house they visited they were greeted with a trick. Dick laughed his head off, Tim smiled a small amused smile and Jason ignored everything that was going on and sulked about losing his gun.  
“That was humorous. Now please give me candy.” Damian said, not even smiling, holding his hand out.  
The home owner looked very shocked and spluttered for a while, not knowing what to say.  
“Look, never mind him. We’re sorry. Damian, let’s go.” Bruce said and dragged Damian away from the house by the wrist. As they stomped away down the drive Bruce said, “Damian, that was rude. You get what you’re given on Halloween, and that’s why it’s fun.”  
Damian huffed. “Alright then Father, if you say so.”  
The next house proved fruitful for Damian. He got handful of mini kit-kats and a tube of mini M&Ms.  
The house after that gave him a Twix bar.  
The house after that gave him a lollipop (honestly, how old did they think he was?!) and when Dick pouted that he hadn't gotten any candy yet, they gave one to Dick, Jason and Tim as well. Bruce politely declined since he was trying to watch his figure. “Halloween isn't good for a man with a sweet tooth like mine.” Was the poor excuse he used. Before they left, they also handed over a full-size Mars bar, which when opened proved to be a hardened stick of butter. Dick, Jason and Tim laughed at that, so naturally Damian threw the bar at Tim.  
Bruce stepped in before either boy had the chance to fight. Or rather, he stepped in before Tim made a snarky comment and Dami pushed his face into the dirt.  
When they arrived at the next house they saw the name “Taylor” on the letterbox and remembered that a grumpy old lady lived there. She was so grumpy and horrible, in fact, that Bruce even let the boys knick-knock the door. They rang the doorbell multiple times before they heard footsteps behind it. They dived into the nearest trees and bushes and tried to hush their laughter.  
She walked back inside, leaning heavily on her cane and muttering to herself about the ‘misguided and misbehaved youths of today’.  
They stopped off at the final house before the end of the street. It had already been quite a long walk so the boys decided to make this house the last. They walked up to the door and knocked. When it opened they chimed simultaneously, “Trick or treat!” The owner of the house took one look at Bruce then said, “Aren't you Bruce Wayne?” Bruce nodded, stuck out his hand and put on a charming smile. “Indeed I am. And these are my boys. Now, do you have any candy? Or do we have a trick in store?” The house owner nodded and grabbed a ginormous bowl from off the mantle, all the while staring with ridiculously wide eyes at Bruce’s costume. In fact, he was so stunned that Damian and Jason managed to sneak second handfuls of candy from the bowl.  
“Well, thanks! It was nice meeting you!” Bruce called as they began the walk home. Once they were a significant distance away he added, “Yeah, not.” He turned to Dick. “Did you see the way he was staring? Not pleasant.” They all laughed and continued walking. “At least you’re not stuck inside this helmet! How do you work wearing this, Jason?” Tim called, unclasping the back of the helmet and removing it, revealing a sweaty Tim with terrible helmet-hair.  
“It’s for protection, Timothy. Anyway, I have never been in a more uncomfortable outfit than this one, Richard. It is horribly itchy and my movement is restricted considerably.” Damian cut in.  
“Yeah, sure it is! But you guys don’t realize how bulky this armor is!” Jason said. “I can barely walk without the box shifting to some other uncomfortable spot!”  
Everyone stopped walking and stared at Jason. “What? It’s true…” he quipped.  
The rest of the walk back to Wayne Manor went on much the same. On arrival, they were greeted at the door by Alfred, who asked, “I trust your neighbors were generous tonight, Master Damian?” In response, Damian dropped the black bag he had been carrying onto the table, and it was almost completely filled with candies and chocolates of all sorts. “I think we were successful tonight, Alfred.”

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to note that this is a collab piece between me (westofwally.tumblr.com) and Anya (thisisabitofme.tumblr.com). This was written for the Halloween Week Contest posted by ImagineTheBatFam (imaginethebatfam.tumblr.com). Thanks for reading, please leave some feedback!


End file.
